Dear Annie: My husband and I are low-income, but he doesn’t want his adult children to know. Sadly, he lost an enormous amount of money about 12
ears ago (to bad investments) and is quite embarrassed by it.
We have been married for over 10 years and have been able to sustain our lifestyle by using my savings and what money I brought into the marriage, but his children don’t know this.
Unfortunately, due to the lack of transparency, his children live under the assumption that I am riding on his coattails and that they will receive an inheritance. I have been sick about this for years now, but my husband is insistent that they not be told that he is dependent on me or about his financial losses. What should I do to regain my sense of self-esteem while also honoring my husband’s wishes?
-- Low Income and Low Self-Esteem
Dear Low Income and Low Self-Esteem: If your husband does not want to tell his children about his financial losses, then you should respect his choice. So long as he isn’t perpetuating any gossip about you or misleading his children into thinking they have an inheritance, then there’s no need for you to waste your time making assumptions about what his children may or may not think. If you are struggling to communicate with your husband about finances, then the two of you should seek the help of a couples counselor.
Dear Annie: Several years ago, my son asked to borrow money from me and promised he would pay me back. He was getting ready to go overseas for a couple years, so I asked him to set up payment arrangements with me. He said he didn’t owe me anything. I was so frustrated, and I said I would take him to small claims court, just to light a fire under his butt. I never intended to sue him.
He stopped talking to me. It’s killing me. I don’t even know if the phone number I have or the email are the right ones. I have sent texts and emails asking him to end this estrangement; he doesn’t reply. I’ve apologized many times and told him I don’t care about the money and I just want him back in my life. I don’t know what else to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
-- Heartbroken Mom
Dear Heartbroken: First and foremost, I would make sure that your son is safe and healthy. Borrowing money, refusing to pay it back, denying that he owes you anything and then cutting you out of his life is a concerning pattern of behavior. Reach out to any friends or relatives who are close to your son, and see if you can learn a bit more about his circumstances. Once you get more info, you will have a better idea of how to proceed.