DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently had an issue with my co-worker/friend. She was given her assignment at 7 a.m., and I reminded her about it two more times. At the end of her shift, she told me she had been too busy to complete her assignment.
She definitely was not too busy to perform her tasks that day, which was confirmed by another worker in her department. I now see I should have followed up more closely, but I didn’t feel I needed to micromanage her. I am still a little bitter about her lack of ownership.
I will soon be having a holiday get-together at my home. This co-worker/friend has attended in the past, and another friend is pushing me to invite her again this year. How should I handle this?
GENTLE READER: The advantage of labels like “friend” and “co-worker” is that they describe an expected set of behaviors -- an advantage that is lost when they are all applied at once.
Unless your co-worker/friend is also your “/employee,” Miss Manners fails to see how supervising her was your responsibility (or how explaining herself to you was hers).
And unless your other friend is also your “/co-host,” she should be thanked for her suggestion -- just as your co-worker no doubt thanked you for your reminders about her work assignment. You may then decide whether your co-worker is enough of a “/friend” to merit an invitation to a purely social occasion.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend has me driving her to appointments each week. Never does she offer a few dollars for gas. I have no way of suggesting some monetary help, but I am on a fixed income and she is not.
What to do or say without sounding poor-mouth?
GENTLE READER: Silly Miss Manners thought you were going to ask how to be relieved of doing constant, burdensome favors for a friend who does not try to reciprocate. (To which she would have answered that you are free to say you cannot drive her this week -- and repeat it each week until it becomes clear that there will rarely be a good time.)
But should you continue, she suggests a gas stop on the way back from one of those appointments, at which you ask, “Would you mind getting this?” Your tone should assume that your friend was reluctant to offer, but happy to do so.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s your opinion on receiving a late birthday card year after year from my cousin? I have, in the past, said, “I received your card TODAY! I have it on display with the cards I got on my birthday, the 10th.” But I don’t think she has caught on.
Do I just continue to be joyfully grateful for receiving a card, no matter how early or late?
GENTLE READER: Can’t you consider that the cards are merely 50 weeks early?