Dear Annie: How can my husband, “Steven,” make new friends in retirement?
He is medically retired (blind) from work. He is a non-smoker and non-drinker. We are spiritual yet not religious. We don’t have children, and our extended families live on the other side of the state.
So, the usual recommendations are not working for him:
No. 1: Meet people at work. He has been retired for more than six years and does not have much in common with his old co-workers.
No. 2: Join a club. He is a non-smoking, non-drinking blind guy.
No. 3: Join a church. He tried multiple churches of different denominations. Our beliefs don’t match.
No. 4: Volunteer. Nobody wants a blind volunteer. He can’t drive, and our town is too small for public transportation. Taxis are expensive.
I am not a great resource because my work requires me to be gone for months at a time. He tries to come with me, but my graveyard shift requires him to be quiet during the day, when I am trying to sleep. He doesn’t know the areas that I’m assigned to, and sightseeing doesn’t quite work out for him.
He bakes for fun and shares the goodies with the hotel and housing staff and some of the other guests. He is on the spectrum, and by the time people get to know him, my assignment is over, and it’s time to leave.
He is in his 60s, and I am at a loss on what to do to help. I’m wracked with guilt about not being enough.
He needs someone to talk with, not just talk to. To paraphrase a wise woman, “Help me, Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope.”
-- Friends in Retirement
Dear Friends in Retirement: Your husband sounds like a wonderful man. You spent the first half of your letter listing all the reasons that he can’t find friends. What about listing all the reasons that he can? He sounds like he has a wonderful talent: baking. He could always volunteer at a bakery or, even better, start his own and sell them. With an online presence, he could do really well, especially when buyers find out he is overcoming such a handicap. It will be all the more reason to buy his treats.