Dear Wayne and Wanda,
My sister lives in Washington with her husband and kids and she wants them all to visit Alaska before fall. She says they have been socially distancing but I see pictures on her Facebook and they are at tons of outdoor events with friends all the time, and it’s not the same friends, it’s lots of different people. While the adults do appear usually to be several feet from each other, the kids look to be playing very closely together. I also know they go into grocery stores and her husband does go to his gym, although he goes early when few people are there.
She wants them all to stay with us when they come. We do have one extra room but her kids would need to sleep in the living room or something. I know money is a thing for them and staying with us would really help with costs. We haven’t seen each other in 2 years and everyone was looking forward to this trip.
But I’m concerned with whether the timing is right given COVID-19. It doesn’t seem like it makes sense for them to take a vacation right now. Plus they are just taking way more risks than my wife and I. I’m a pretty healthy guy, but my wife does have pretty bad asthma which I understand is more of a COVID risk factor.
I tried to tell my sister we should delay the trip and she got really angry and said I was being paranoid and living in fear. I don’t feel like I am afraid, I just feel like I am being safe. For example, with groceries, we do curbside pickup instead of going in the store, and instead of the gym, I do workouts at home.
I want to smooth things over with my sister and also convince her to postpone the trip. Advice?
Wanda says:
All of us are faced with many choices these days about how to live our lives. On the one hand, you’ve got those who are cooking all meals at home and avoiding social interactions at all costs. On the other, you have (well, had) folks lined up to dine inside at Kriner’s. Truth is, most of us are somewhere in the middle, and by now, we’ve settled into our own personalized COVID-19 routines that are marked by behaviors that we feel are safe and reasonable.
Whether that’s in-store shopping vs. grocery delivery, hitting the gym or doing burpees in the garage, or cruising through a drive-thru instead of settling in on a restaurant patio, most of these are small decisions and daily choices. Then there are the bigger things, like whether to homeschool our kids, deciding if the time is right for a career change, or yes, whether we should travel.
Personally, I’m not going anywhere just yet, and one big reason is, well, why? Most states, including Alaska, have requirements around quarantining and COVID-19 testing which basically sound like a drag. Plus, once you get to said location, what’s the chance that things you want to do are even open and welcoming? Your suggesting to postpone is perfectly reasonable. Perhaps you can persuade her by explaining that the Anchorage they would visit now isn’t really Anchorage’s best game face, and they’d get their money’s worth if they wait to see what 2021 brings.
Wayne says:
What a wild six months, am I right or am I right? At this point, we’ve all been beaten up emotionally, and feeling some combination of stressed, confused, anxious, insecure and overwhelmed, if not all of the above. Some of us are suffering physically, some mentally, some both. Some of us have lost jobs. So have lost loved ones. Most if not all of us are missing someone special, or a group of special someones.
Living in this world of madness for this long, it seems that people are now making decisions one of two ways: overthinking everything until exhaustion, then doubting the decision or feeling guilty if that decision impacts anyone else afterward; or making a declaration and chiseling it in stone, without hesitation, without flexibility, without room for negotiation, without an ear for reasoning.
Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who cares. It’s ultimately up to everyone to choose what they feel they need to stay safe, healthy and as happy as possible right now ... and hopefully stand by that. Or let someone else push them into something they don’t want to do. Doesn’t sound like you’re comfortable welcoming your sister and her family with open arms and your shared spaces right now. And we all know there’s no way those kids aren’t going to spend every minute of the visit together, just like there’s no way you’re not going to give your sister a big hug after you see her for the first time in two years. If you aren’t at ease with that intimacy and proximity, or if they aren’t comfortable quarantining in a hotel and taking tests for a few days, tell her to put the plans on hold for now. Explain that it’s not personal, that you really miss her, too, and you all are bummed, frustrated and sad, just like they are. You’ll see her again soon, but right now you believe it’s what’s best for your family. Hopefully she’ll understand. Sorry if she doesn’t.
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