Net-fish & Chill: 901 is taking the Fat Bear Week bracket by storm

Welcome back, well-rounded readers! For those just joining us, we are sizing up the biggest bears of Katmai National Park, and we’re well on our way to declaring one fat winner.

Let’s recap the weekend matches:

On Saturday, Grazer grazed the top of Round 7, narrowly swiping a win from Walker. Until yesterday (oh, we’ll get there) it was the closest match of the bracket. We also witnessed an upset / overthrow in Round 8, as newcomer and young underbear 901 stole King Otis’s chance at the crown. Something tells me the zen master was never into monarchy anyway. 128 Grazer and 901 face off today.

But Sunday! Holy fatness! 435 Holly and 747 Bear Force One were fat neck and neck all day long. It was a true claw-biter. It was any bear’s game, with 747 showing early leads and Holly eventually closing the gap. In the end, Holly held it down and more than 39,000 fans rejoiced in her win. But then! Katmai National Park reported that someone stuffed the ballot box and, after eliminating the spam votes, declared 747 the victor.

Even I, the mom who rewarded (which is totally absolutely definitely different than a bribe) her teenager with screen time after he voted for 435 Holly, could not believe that voter fraud (gasp) had sullied our first semifinal.

So many surprises and it ain’t over yet. Today we head into the second semifinal, featuring two chunky choices who have never been champions. Let’s go!

Match 19: 128 Grazer vs 901

These fish aren’t gonna eat themselves, and 128 Grazer is out here getting it DONE. She was raised with a strong work ethic and she hasn’t taken a single sick day in her life. When Grazer is on her grind, she does not simply walk into a river, she marches.

Yet, Grazer is not a one-dimensional fierce mama bear. As discussed Saturday, she learned when to be a fighter and when to be a lover — specifically, to herself. And, it should be noted that most female bears are consistent when it comes to raising their cubs: emancipating them at 2.5 or perhaps 3.5 years. But, for whatever reason, Grazer broke her own tradition to keep her yearlings an extra summer. She makes her own rules — which, true to her rugged reputation, tracks.

With two extra mouths to feed, we should be triple impressed with Grazer’s gains. 128 is humungous, and she has the haunches, the hustle and the heart to prove it.

But I gotta hand it to Gen Z 901 (just 6 years old), who’s over here making RIP the monarchy TikToks after converting King Otis fans to her free-living fatness. While Grazer is off adulting, 901 has her fur on do not disturb and is ... she ... yes she is, taking a nap in the middle of a high traffic path. This girl takes self care to a whole other level, and she is not afraid to lavish. She is the definition of just vibing. She is Net-fish & Chill-ing. And, of note: she 10/10 put on the plump. This is a bear who understood the assignment.

901 is the wild card of this bracket, and she absolutely came to party. While 128 Grazer has a strong, independent fan club, today is Monday — a school day — and the student voting bloc has been known to swing a decision. Are we in 128′s good Grazes or are we living the 901 high life with Little Miss Eat, Sleep, and Procreate?

Either way, we’re voting today on which fresh fat bear takes on 747 in the finals tomorrow, and let’s get a round of a-PAWS for that. Vote 8 a.m.-5 p.m. AKDT at fatbearweek.org!