How do you keep the spark alive when your loved one spends weeks or months at a time working on a North Slope oilfield, deep inside the belly of a mine, high up in the mountains or far out to sea on a fishing boat? Alaskans do it all the time. So we asked these couples for advice: What's the secret to long-distance love?
J.J. Harrier & Josh Milam, medic
JJ: Josh works two-and-two (two weeks on, two weeks off). We pride ourselves on doing a lot when he's home in Anchorage, so when he does go back up for work, it's a bit of a shift change for both of us. In fact, I can count on him being pretty grumpy the day he leaves back to the Slope, so I make sure to take it easy on him. Haha.
We text throughout the day and usually call or Facetime each other three to four times a week. He wants to feel like I'm there, which I get. Facetime is cool 'cause then he gets to snoop around the house to see if I've cleaned, or if the cat and plants are still alive.
Josh: We stay busy and we communicate often—that is key. Physical separation is expected and necessary for any relationship but that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep our minds and hearts connected. Keep up the chatter often and openly no matter the significance. This is how we keep focus of what is important for us and within us. Tempus will Fugit no matter what—it's the preparation for what comes next that counts!
Jennifer & Matt Henley, North Slope oilfields worker
Jennifer: Thank God for technology! Luckily he's not working remotely so we have daily contact. I text him when I wake up, then throughout the day he texts me when he has quick little breaks and we talk on the phone every single night.
We also like to sneak each other little notes. Like I will put notes about how much I love and appreciate him in his bag in between his clothes, so he won't find it until he's unpacking. He leaves me notes randomly in places he knows I won't see until he's gone. I have kept all of the notes.
Every single time he gets home, we get stuffed-crust pizza and come home and watch a movie! Same thing every time but it's a perfect little routine for us.
Bobi Rinehart & Michael Erb, commercial fisherman
Bobi: Michael, my husband, is a commercial fisherman. He trolls for salmon (June through September) then switches the boat over to longline gear and fishes for black cod (aka sablefish) in October. Therefore, he is gone mid-June through the middle or end of October. During this time, we do not see him but we do talk on the telephone. He calls when he is in port (about every two weeks) and we recently got a sat phone but it is so expensive to operate that we save it for emergencies. Text and Skype do not work on the ocean so we are limited to calls. Calls are my favorite form of communication.
There is no way to make 5 or 6 months go by faster but I do make sure that I do not plan my life around his schedule.
I think that the secret to a happy marriage is acceptance and to that end, we must accept each other's passions. Fishing is one of his.
Austin & Dustin Grimes, North Slope oilfields worker
"Thank goodness for technology!" - Austin
Between raising two children and Dustin's two week on, two week off North Slope schedule, the Grimes rely on nightly Skype sessions, Facetime and email to keep the family connected. Dustin also sends postcard and letters, because their young son loves getting mail from Daddy. A special calendar helps count down the days until he comes home again.
It can be hard, but they make it work.
"It's kind of a normal part of life." - Austin
Kirsten Swann writes for the special content department at Alaska Dispatch News and loves looking for new ways to share old stories. At home in Anchorage, she most enjoys writing about all the fascinating people and places that make up daily life in the Last Frontier.
This article appeared in the February 2016 issue of 61°North, a publication of ADN's special content department. Contact 61°North editor Jamie Gonzales at jgonzales@alaskadispatch.com.