Gold miners, bachelorettes, troopers and hauntings - let's take a look back at Alaska in reality TV

I've been writing this silly column about silly television programs for almost three silly years now. I'm feeling nostalgic*, so I think it's the perfect time to revisit every Alaska reality TV show of the past 10 years — from distilling vodka to high school football, from MTV to the Smithsonian Channel, from the celebrities it has created to the businesses it has destroyed, let's take a look back.

Because of the sheer volume of content, we'll have to break it down into a few columns. This week there is only time to get through the shows that start with "Alaska," "Alaskan" or "Alaska's."

"Alaska Aircrash Investigations" was a recent television program on the Smithsonian Channel that was met with a lot of backlash from everyone from the Alaska Air Carriers Association to U.S. Sen. Lisa Murkowski. Because it's contemporary, let's move on.

"Alaska Fish Wars" is an overlooked show on the National Geographic Channel. It followed the footsteps of "Deadliest Catch," but was about Cook Inlet's salmon fishery. The stakes weren't as high, so neither were the ratings.

One of my all-time favorite concepts belonged to a long-lost show called "Alaska Gold Diggers." It was about hot, young blonde women who moved from California to Alaska to try to mine their family's historic gold claims. A true fish-out-of-water tale.

The cast of “Alaska Gold Diggers” (Screen capture via Animalplanet.com)

"Alaska Haunting" was barely a reality show. It was mostly bad re-enactments of hauntings around the state that aired around Halloween on Destination America.

"Alaska Mega Machines" was a recent one on Discovery Science. It was about machines. Mega machines. So basically made to keep young boys quiet on planes.

"Alaska Off Road Warriors" was an OK show about a bunch of crazy SUVs racing to the Arctic Ocean. It was mostly great because of this guy's lust for life and outdated hairstyles.

Butch Evans on an episode of “Alaska Off Road Warriors” (Screen capture via the History Channel)

Ever think: "I wonder if there is a 24-minute commercial for the Alaska Distillery?" Answer: There is. Actually, there are enough to make up a season, thanks to "Alaska Proof," which followed the vodka flavoring process.

"Alaska State Troopers" is one of two staple shows that started it all since its 2009 release. This show followed the fine troopers of Alaska as they arrested, investigated and helped the upstanding citizens of Alaska. It was mostly a hit because of the stupid situations that Alaskans would find themselves in.

"Alaska: The Last Frontier" and "Alaskan Bush People" are two of the most-covered television programs by this column, so they need less description than the rest.

Scene from an episode of “Alaska State Troopers” (Screen capture via National Geographic Channel)

Just when things couldn't get more mundane on the airwaves of the Outdoor Channel, a show about catering came along. "Alaska's Wild Gourmet" followed a family catering business in Kodiak.

According to the Discovery Channel website, "Alaskan Steel Men" followed "the adventures of a team of extreme heavy metal welders." And "their weapon in the war against Mother Nature is fire and steel." I couldn't have said it better myself, Discovery Channel.

There are two little-known/forgotten shows about pilots: "Alaska Wing Men" (National Geographic) "Alaska Ultimate Bush Pilots" (Outdoor). One aired back in 2011 and one is airing now. It will be a fun game to figure out which is which.

Finally, one of the most talked about, but most fleeting in the catalog was "Alaskan Women Looking for Love." This show famously took some ladies who were supposedly from Kodiak (though some were from Anchorage) and flew them to Miami so they could find gentlemen suitors, bring them back to Alaska, and have forever love. It was a train wreck. And while the cast didn't find love, I did. It was with that show.

The cast of “Alaska Women Looking For Love” (Screen capture via TLC.com)

It's only when you string 'em together like this that you start to realize just how insane the last 10 years of television have been for Alaskans. Stay tuned for more next week!

*Really this is just my way of becoming the most-cited source on the Wikipedia page for "Alaska Reality TV."

Emily Fehrenbacher lives in Anchorage, where she reviews Alaska reality TV. You can reach her at realitycheck@alaskadispatch.com or on Twitter @ETFBacher.