Everybody knows Alaskans don't want or need the same holiday gifts as their distant cousins in Toledo. But shopping is tough business, so we're here to off a little help with can't-miss gifts that both sourdoughs and cheechakos can appreciate.
Neoprene Pajamas
What passes for scuba gear in the Lower 48, Alaskans consider practical sleepwear — especially when camping out anywhere in Southeast.
Mustang® Survival Underwear
Float coat for your junk. Pair with XTRATUF® Jogging Bra or Tyvek® Athletic Supporter.
BalAKlava
As the name implies, we've taken a regular balaclava and AK'd it up with the warmest lining imaginable: molten rock at 1,500 degrees Fahrenheit. Ski, snowmachine or just cruise around in that ill-advised convertible on harsh winter days, basking in the comfort of locally sourced lava from any one of the 52 volcanoes monitored by the Alaska Volcano Observatory.
Alaska Army Knife
Swiss army knives are for Europeans. Corkscrews and nail files may come in handy at your chalet in Gstaad, but we Alaskans demand more from our multi-tools. Components are specifically designed to open without making you put down your beer* and include: pull-tab scratcher; fish bonker; miniature chain saw; windshield squeegee; caribou de-boner; caribou re-boner; extra-strong toothpick reinforced to handle even the most stubborn homemade jerky; bolo tie (Don Young signature model only).
* or whiskey.
Stealth Umbrella
Go ahead and stay dry without rubber clothing. And because our Stealth Umbrella is completely invisible, no one will see you violate that weird unwritten Alaskan compact not to use umbrellas.
Alaska Repair Kit
Duct tape, Krazy Glue, WD-40 and a flask of Yukon Jack — what else do you need to fix anything?
Alaska First-Aid Kit
See above.
Alaska Bath and Beauty Set
Ditto.
Alaska Bear Claw Salad Tongs
Made from actual bear claws. Pair with Alaska Oosik BBQ Skewer Set.
Tarp Cozy
Don't let your tarps get wet.
Alaska Scented Candle
This ain't no Yankee Candle, that's for sure. Now available in a variety of scents: Coffee Breath, Crab Bait, Wet Dog and Pit Toilet.
Alaska Bug Armor
Sometimes actual armor is the only stuff that works. Pair together with Real Alaska Fly Swatter (also known as a Medieval Mace and Chain).
Alaska Snow Shovel
Pretty much just a flamethrower.
'Men of the Alaska State Legislature' Beefcake Calendar
Try not to drool as the boys from the state House and Senate show off their … let's call it "Southcentral."
And be sure to visit the Alaska App Store, featuring:
• BunFinder: Maps route to nearest available cinnamon roll within a 1,000-mile radius.
• GPS GPS: Locates your lost GPS, which you swear you stashed in a dry bag somewhere in your garage, shed, crawl space or storage unit. Although it's entirely possible you loaned it to any one of 20 people who literally may be anywhere right now.
• Shazalmon: Open the app, hold your device up to your catch and Shazalmon will identify the species of Pacific salmon so you can finally stop pretending to know the difference at first glance. Latest version also lets you discern the following cods: true, black, ling. You're on your own for rockfish.
Free overnight shipping to Alaska only.* Take that, Lower 48! For once, the mukluk's on the other foot. (* Also available to Hawaii; we share your mail order-related pain. Plus, a bunch of us spend the holidays there.)