Hi, Wanda and Wayne,
My 13-year-old daughter likes to wear multicolored skin-tight leggings to school. She is tall, slender and athletic because of many years of dance classes. I wouldn't mind if she wore leggings with a longer flowy tunic shirt that covered her rear, but she likes to wear them with a T-shirt that hits her hip bone. She is entering the "I'm going to wear whatever I want to wear" stage of her life, so her outfits can sometimes attract comments from boys in her school.
For the most part, she thinks boys are stupid except for the very smart ones who make her laugh. Most boys leave her alone, but one older boy came up to her yesterday and said, "I like looking at your ass; keep wearing those leggings," and last week he told her, "Your toe jam is showing (what does that mean?)," and laughs at her. She believes he has a problem, not her, which is true, but as a mom, I worry about her personal safety as she chooses to wear leggings to school almost everyday. She is a straight-A honor roll student and believes she can wear whatever she wants wherever she wants.
I think leggings are best worn in the dance studio, not the classroom. What more could I tell her that she might listen to?
-- Mother of a Dancing Daughter
Wayne says:
Sounds like you have an special, intelligent young woman and typical know-it-all teenager on your hands. But I hate to break it to you, Mom -- she is right on this one. This issue isn't about what she's wearing to school; it's about the classmates who are harassing her.
Choosing your look and style of dress is part of becoming independent. Mommy isn't dressing me anymore! Sometimes the looks are inspired by friends, older siblings or even parents; sometimes it's Technicolor leggings and spiked hair. But unless it's truly inappropriate, you just have to let her be her or she'll just fight you harder. And believe me, if she was wearing something inappropriate to school, the school leaders would tell her and tell you immediately.
At least I hope they would. I would also hope that school leaders would clamp down on bullying in their halls. Your daughter is also right in that some boys can be stupid; but that doesn't give them a free pass to be jerks, bullies or harassers. If this continues, you need to get your daughter's back and talk to school administration.
Your daughter is a young woman who has an adventurous fashion sense and a strong will. More power to her. Nurture and protect her, even if her rainbow sherbet leggings embarrass you.
Wanda says:
Leggings are not just for dance studios these days. The ubiquitous fitted pants are in schools, airports, even in the workplace. And why not? They're super comfortable, typically affordable and easy to wear, and with the right top and accessories, can be dressed up nicely.
This could be worse. Your daughter could be sporting miniskirts and plunging necklines. And if she were, she would probably get the exact same level of attention from her male classmates.
Most schools have dress codes; make sure your daughter is adhering to it. Most schools also have harassment and bullying policies. If you feel a line is being crossed, bring this to the administration.
Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.